July 6, 2011

Best friend -but why?

I have 4 best friends.
3 girls and 1 boy.
I was wondering why do I hang out with them?
I mean ,these days they have been getting on my nerves.
All of us (especially the girls) are selfish and impatient.
They desperately want attention. I want it ,too. Only difference is that they get it ,while i don't. so i'll have to pretend i don't care. but sometimes they are attention whores.
i don't know why the show this face in the outside world. they are so nice when they want to ,and so mean bitches. but what they show is just ...different. criticizing everything and everyone because of their looks. really man? really? there are times they are shallow and they look caring. and times that the exactly opposite happens.
there are times i hate them. i want them to shut up and beat them so hard. maybe close to death. but then i think again ,and i just pretend i don't mind.
All this anger is not good for me. I was thinking of stop going out with them ,and talking to them and generally stop being friends. Maybe its bad for me ,cause i am so fucking jealous of them and i keep comparing my self to them. And so do other people. i am ugly and when i am near them ,i am even uglier.
i don't think their friendship is good for me.
For example ,there is this girl A and she is just perfect at everything. She is tall ,blonde ,beautiful ,nice body ,plays basketball ,is an excellent student ,speaks English and German fluently ,has a great personality ,is always around boys ,dresses nice ,and almost each boy likes her.
She can have whatever she wants. She is my "best friend' and I am desperately jealous of her.
I can see her fakeness sometimes. I mean she is not THAT good , she is not THAT funny ,not THAT clever ,not THAT good at everything.
Who am I fooling? She is THAT good.
There is this boy ,who was in love with her. And she didn't want him. We were talking a lot ,saying stupid things to each-other ,laughing. (He is C's best friend and he knows that I blowjob and that I am an easy whore) I started liking him. A was in a relationship with another guy and me and M (C's best friend) were talking more than ever. But I think all he wanted was to fuck me. Because he always had sexual meanings in his talking after some time. A recently broke up. She is single. He "liked" it on facebook and commented LIKE :P and since that they are talking. D ,my other best friend ,was insisting I should have a relationship with M. Well ,I told her I don't even want to think about him ,because then I'll like him and he loves/like A. She told me that back then that A was in a relationship ,he knew he had no hope and would be over her. I told her no ,because I don't want to get attached and then hurt myself. And that I already compare myself to A ,so I don't want this to become worse.
Yeah ,well ,now I don't really like M but I always feel flattered when he talks to me ,and so rejected when he talks to A.
He likes A. I mean that's normal. If I were a guy ,I would like A ,too. Especially between me and her ,i would go for her. It's how things work. Everyone likes one of my best-friends in the end.
And i have to swallow this ,too. Swallow everything and act all cool.
No you whore ,don't fucking talk to him .he is mine mine mine. why does she talk to him? she doesn't even like him. she is an attention whore :@
she can do whatever she wants with him. he is "hers" ,always was and always will be.

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