July 27, 2011

I am staring at this window of the "new post" blank. thinking of what title i could put and how i should start. truth is, i don't know. today ,i invited my 4 best friends (3 girls + 1 guy) in my roof where we have a small plastic pool and we sat there until 2 am ,drinking ,laughing ,been in the pool. We also ate pizza and it was kinda great. Then ,at about 1.30 am 1 of the girls and the guy left and it was just the 3 of us (the girls).
We started a conversation about ex boyfriends and the two other girls were "fighting" because they both (A & D) liked a boy (H) and they had both said it. Then A ,took it further than D ,she talked about him all the time ,so D hid her feelings. Later ,A forgot about him and started liking another guy (F) who D already liked. So ,one day ,A told D she liked F and D answered between fun and seriousness that she liked H. But A was mad at D for not telling her all this time. And we were discussing this ,as D still likes H. And A was saying she was quite offended and would prefer if D told her that she like H from the beginning and stuff. So ,I popped in the discussion and said that A once knew I liked C (the one I am talking about in all of my posts) but she was in a relationship with him ,not because she like him but because she did not have anything to do.
My exact words were : "Yeah ,but when you knew that C meant so much to me ,and you knew it ,you still got in a relationship with him. And when you told me ,what did you want me to do? I could not forbid you do something with him ,and I still remember the way you told me ,which was awful ,too" And her excuse was that we barely knew each other back then (which I am sure is not legit) and that she did not know how much he meant to me ,and if she did ,like she does now ,she would never have done it. And then she told me that she has truly regretted it and she is sure I have "kept" this. And I did not speak there ,so she said she wanted to leave and both D and A left. Now I chat with D and she told me A is not really fine.
Well, I don't care. And yes ,I have kept it. And no ,I will never forgive her (not that she has ever apologized) and I will never forget. Because this is who I am. I can neither forgive nor forget ,just pretend. And I don't understand why she was offended. I mean she did what she did ,it's called consequences. I don't regret being mat even now ,2 years after. I don't think I will ever forget it or trust her completely. Like I said ,I am a difficult person.

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