September 2, 2011

where did i go wrong ,i lost a friend

somewhere along in the bitterness

well maybe i do know where i went wrong. it is half my fault. me and all the stupid complexes ,the fantasies and the incredible jealousy. jealousy will kill a friendship. if not at that moment ,eventually. on the other hand ,there are the other things. the lies. the behind my back talks. which i found out with a nasty way. our relationship is dirty. when i think about it ,all of my human relationships are dirty. they include secrets ,unspoken words ,doubts ,lies ,jealousy and nastiness. having online friends is the only real  clear relationship i have. or at least i think so. i can't just delete her from my life. she will try to come back ,she wll apologize ,she will be hurt. i think she will. and it's not just me and her ,there are 3 other people in this friendship. i can't tell them neither chose between her and me nor just hang out with the 3 of them. she has betrayed me in the past and this is why i will never be able to trust her as i do with my other friends. i've never told her. i am coward it's much easier writing it here than telling it to her face. i have to distance her a bit. to think and not do something i will regret. i don't like regretting ,i prefer inactivity. the only thing i am sure of ,is that we will never be the way best friends should be.

2 comments:

  1. Μπορείς για μία φορά στη ζωή σου να μιλήσεις ειλικρινά? πήγαινε και πες της ό,τι νιώθεις.
    γενικότερα κάνε κάτι. κρύβεσαι μόνο και μόνο γιατί θες να σε βρούν, όχι επειδή πρέπει να κρυφτείς.

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  2. δεν μπορω. ισως να εχεις δικιο ,αλλα ειμαι περισσοτερο thinker παρα talker!

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