May 27, 2012

I fuck things up like it's my job.

That's what I was good at, fucking things up, bringing myself to awkward and shameful moments and selling my body to one another.
And then he came and changed everything. He changed me. In a good way, in a way I didn't know I could be. I stopped being a bitch, I stopped listening to Mia and Ana. For the first time of my life I am purge-free for so much time and I don't miss any of this shit. I just don't agonize over this. I want to get a bit fatter actually take up 3-4 kgs and work out of course. And no, I am not lost without Mia and Ana. I have found my way. Actually, I found my way when we started talking again. I need you in my life. You think you'll hurt me if we go back together, but I don't care. I would do everything again, just to have the good moments I can take up all of the shit you'll give me. Because sometimes the good moments are much more worth living, than not getting hurt. Sometimes the good ones are so many that you do not even look back on the bad ones. I need you in my life, as my boyfriend, as a friend, as a lover as everything. Your influence is just soooo good on me. I don't wanna be a slut anymore I miss being happy sober and I miss being with you. Please, please, clear what you want in your mind. What do you want?
And if the answer is even little of me then you know what to do.